process

Letter writing log

1- tried writing in a park. it was nice and calm, but still the letter writing process was intense.
i think i got the hang of it halfway through? regardless of that, it was nice to put thoughts on paper. i felt melancholic.
i dont know if i should stick with what i wrote. made a fair few grammar mistakes. i think i sound a bit too sad or desperate? i kind of want to go with what i have, it feels that much more sincere, but....

2- after writing the letter, i feel weirdly content and excited? it feels weird, because i felt very anxious before starting. however, as i loosened up and kept going, i really enjoyed the process. treating the letter as a (one -sided) conversation with my friend helped. also one thing that i started to understand with the first letter i wrote, but even moreso with this one is that letting go of conventions of what the letter is "supposed" to be written like added to the enjoyment i felt writing it. again, its important for me to treat the letter as a conversation and adapt my "speaking style" to every subject. it feels more natural and sincere that way.

3- i wrote sitting in the balcony. it was sunny and warm.
typing a letter is not the same as handwriting it. in a way, its easier, because you can fix your mistakes. but you can also start overfixing everything you write. i guess everything has its pros and cons.
i had moments writing this letter when i just wanted to stop. the feeling was similar to what i felt when i tried to write letters yesterday. i felt very stuck and frustrated, and i felt like i just. could. not. write.
but this time, having already started the letter, i pulled through with finishing it.

When I figured out what I wanted to do for the project, I was very excited. My mind was filled with letter excerpts and ideas what to add with the letter in the envelopes – drawings, printed memes, tea sachets. The whole concept of writing letters to my friends, reminding them that I care about them, has touched me deep in my soul, and the excitement showed that.

However, I came up with immediate obstacles. My ever-present perfectionism told me that these letters need to be perfect, or they won’t be good enough. The extra steps I created for myself started to overwhelm me. Finally, the requirement to document everything and make a video out of it at the end made me freeze in place and not want to do anything.

However, I pushed through, reminding myself that these letters aren’t going to magically fix everything – they’re just a step towards reigniting these relationships that I was willing to do for myself.

During this project, I tried changing up the places I wrote the letters in. I wrote the first letter in the Kralingse Bos park, as I never quite explored it. I enjoyed writing there, it was quiet and atmospheric. I was starting to miss nature. However, when I tried writing in the park later, I couldn’t concentrate as well and got very frustrated very fast. It shows that, when you write, your surroundings don’t matter as much as your mental state.

Despite that failure, I still enjoyed having walks in nature. They invigorated me. One thing that often caught my eye were these trees on my cycle way back home. They are blooming with beautiful pink flowers. I just couldn’t stop thinking about them.

I found writing letters both very difficult and easy. Overcoming a block and starting writing is difficult in an of itself, but also having to be very focused and concentrated on writing (something I struggle a lot these days) adds onto that difficulty.

However, somewhere in the process, when everything just clicks into place and I start enjoying writing – oh boy, that’s an amazing feeling.